Everything except nothing is tainted. Contaminated and Impure. And I'm not just talking about the environment either. Sure, the air these days is impure, so is the water. But so many other things have been polluted as well.

For such a long time, I haven't:

- Seen pure goodness or pure evil
- Found a new friendship unspoilt by pragmatism or other ulterior motives
- Experienced perfect happiness or total sadness
- Felt untainted hatred
- Believed in absolute truth
- Admired flawless beauty
- Encountered unadulterated innocence

Why do you think everything has been corrupted? Can someone pass me a pair of rose-tinted prescription glasses? It would be a nice change to believe in things that are pure and wholly clean once again.

Quote from C.S. Lewis's The Problem of Pain:

"The creatures cause pain by being born, and live by inflicting pain, and in pain they mostly die."

I don't remember much about when I was born but I'm sure my mother does. Don't know much about dying in pain either, I haven't tried it yet. But I do know about living by inflicting pain. I do it to people around me all the time. And people do it to me too. So sorry I hurt you. Are you sorry you hurt me?

Another quote from C.S Lewis, this time from Perelandra:

"You make me grow old faster than I can bear."

Each time I realise something nasty about the world, I lose some more of the innocence that is youth. That is what makes me feel old all the time. Tonight I am older than I was last night. I can hear you say, "Innocence? No, this person and Innocence don't go together. Audrey is filth, filth is Audrey."
My point exactly. I have seen too much filth, corruption and unpleasant realities for innocence to exist inside.

Sir, why did you have to remind me? I was trying so hard to forget and doing so well too. Now the unhappy memories come flooding back. Where is the door that shuts out the nightmares? I can't find it anymore and I seem to have lost the key. You were the one who opened the floodgates. Won't you close them again and build me another door with a shiny new key (not combination lock)?

On Sunday, he accused us of hypocrisy. Five minutes later, he committed the same crime himself. "I'm sorry but we're just not interested." He preached love but his words reeked of indifference. We all know that the opposite of Love is not Hate but Indifference.

Pollution and Contamination. Perfection flawed. Purity spoilt.

I hate this. It doesn't feel good being cynical. Sadly, I'm far from those who can show me prove of pure things.

XY who shows me pure friendship
Jun who shows me pure insanity
Wen who shows me pure trust
Shan Shan who shows me Puritanism
LL and Jason who prove to me pure love (Who was it who said, "You are the love of my life?" I wonder.)
Doggy who shows me pure secretive-ness
My mummy and daddy who show me pure tolerance (of the kids and of each other)
Adela who exhibits pure stupidity of conviction
Hubert who is pure, 100% geek.

Yes I do. Every single day. (not going to use "miss" in case I get accused of you-know-what by you-know-who-you-are)

The mirror behind the closet door shows weirdness. You are the weirdest girl I have ever met. Sorry, but I prefer to use the word "unique". Similar implications (deviation from the norm), but "unique" has more positive connotations.

So there.