Doggy says think of happier things. Ok.
As I was cycling to King's Manor today (cycling is boring, free time for nonsense thoughts), I had the most brilliant, genius idea ever. What if I tied my camera to the handlebars of the bicycle and filmed a video clip? How cool would that be? York from a bicycle's perspective. Wow! I can almost see myself winning lots of international short film awards. Of course, if a car crashed into me, the film would probably end up in the police evidence room. Or maybe you would all watch it in morbid fascination to experience what I saw just before I got smashed to pulp by a truck. Sweet.
Good idea isn't it? Hands up who wants me to do it. I will cater to popular demand.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Damn. This is developing into insomnia. Sleep is such a waste of time. Maybe I can try not sleeping for the rest of my life. I can sleep all I want when I'm dead. But then again, if I really don't sleep, death will probably come a lot sooner than expected. Ok, let me think of some things to blog about...
We'll start with a joke:
A bear, a lion and a chicken meet.
Bear says: "If I roar in the forests of North America, the entire forest is shivering with fear."
Lion says: "And if I roar on the great plains of Africa, the entire savannah is afraid of me."
Chicken says: "Big deal. I only have to sneeze, and the entire planet wets itself.
Continue with a message:
I'm glad we cleared up the misunderstanding. Your style is to avoid talking about upsetting things. Mine is to thresh things out in the open. What experience I've had in my life so far has taught me that it is better to confront issues (even minor ones) rather than pretend nothing happened. This way, everything can be straightened out before it gets too complicated. I am not sorry I forced you to talk about it even though you said to forget it. Now all is right as rain between us and we can continue to be friends. Isn't this better than pretending nothing happened and letting mistrust accumulate?
Move on to a tongue twister:
Whether the weather be fine
Or whether the weather be not
We'll weather the weather
Whatever the weather
Whether we like it or not.
Then we have a silly nursery song:
I'm sure LL and XY will remember how I loved singing this loudly in crowded places.
Oh the grand duke of York
He had a thousand men
He marched them up to the top of the hill
and he marched them down again
And when they were up they were up
And when they were down they were down
But when they were only halfway up
They were neither up nor down.
Isn't it a strange coincidence that I ended up studying in York?
I'm losing my coherence. Consciousness is slipping away. Sleep might just be possible.
I'll end with a wish:
I wish for lots of nice chocolate.
Good night. It is 4am. Good morning.
We'll start with a joke:
A bear, a lion and a chicken meet.
Bear says: "If I roar in the forests of North America, the entire forest is shivering with fear."
Lion says: "And if I roar on the great plains of Africa, the entire savannah is afraid of me."
Chicken says: "Big deal. I only have to sneeze, and the entire planet wets itself.
Continue with a message:
I'm glad we cleared up the misunderstanding. Your style is to avoid talking about upsetting things. Mine is to thresh things out in the open. What experience I've had in my life so far has taught me that it is better to confront issues (even minor ones) rather than pretend nothing happened. This way, everything can be straightened out before it gets too complicated. I am not sorry I forced you to talk about it even though you said to forget it. Now all is right as rain between us and we can continue to be friends. Isn't this better than pretending nothing happened and letting mistrust accumulate?
Move on to a tongue twister:
Whether the weather be fine
Or whether the weather be not
We'll weather the weather
Whatever the weather
Whether we like it or not.
Then we have a silly nursery song:
I'm sure LL and XY will remember how I loved singing this loudly in crowded places.
Oh the grand duke of York
He had a thousand men
He marched them up to the top of the hill
and he marched them down again
And when they were up they were up
And when they were down they were down
But when they were only halfway up
They were neither up nor down.
Isn't it a strange coincidence that I ended up studying in York?
I'm losing my coherence. Consciousness is slipping away. Sleep might just be possible.
I'll end with a wish:
I wish for lots of nice chocolate.
Good night. It is 4am. Good morning.
Everything except nothing is tainted. Contaminated and Impure. And I'm not just talking about the environment either. Sure, the air these days is impure, so is the water. But so many other things have been polluted as well.
For such a long time, I haven't:
- Seen pure goodness or pure evil
- Found a new friendship unspoilt by pragmatism or other ulterior motives
- Experienced perfect happiness or total sadness
- Felt untainted hatred
- Believed in absolute truth
- Admired flawless beauty
- Encountered unadulterated innocence
Why do you think everything has been corrupted? Can someone pass me a pair of rose-tinted prescription glasses? It would be a nice change to believe in things that are pure and wholly clean once again.
Quote from C.S. Lewis's The Problem of Pain:
"The creatures cause pain by being born, and live by inflicting pain, and in pain they mostly die."
I don't remember much about when I was born but I'm sure my mother does. Don't know much about dying in pain either, I haven't tried it yet. But I do know about living by inflicting pain. I do it to people around me all the time. And people do it to me too. So sorry I hurt you. Are you sorry you hurt me?
Another quote from C.S Lewis, this time from Perelandra:
"You make me grow old faster than I can bear."
Each time I realise something nasty about the world, I lose some more of the innocence that is youth. That is what makes me feel old all the time. Tonight I am older than I was last night. I can hear you say, "Innocence? No, this person and Innocence don't go together. Audrey is filth, filth is Audrey."
My point exactly. I have seen too much filth, corruption and unpleasant realities for innocence to exist inside.
Sir, why did you have to remind me? I was trying so hard to forget and doing so well too. Now the unhappy memories come flooding back. Where is the door that shuts out the nightmares? I can't find it anymore and I seem to have lost the key. You were the one who opened the floodgates. Won't you close them again and build me another door with a shiny new key (not combination lock)?
On Sunday, he accused us of hypocrisy. Five minutes later, he committed the same crime himself. "I'm sorry but we're just not interested." He preached love but his words reeked of indifference. We all know that the opposite of Love is not Hate but Indifference.
Pollution and Contamination. Perfection flawed. Purity spoilt.
I hate this. It doesn't feel good being cynical. Sadly, I'm far from those who can show me prove of pure things.
XY who shows me pure friendship
Jun who shows me pure insanity
Wen who shows me pure trust
Shan Shan who shows me Puritanism
LL and Jason who prove to me pure love (Who was it who said, "You are the love of my life?" I wonder.)
Doggy who shows me pure secretive-ness
My mummy and daddy who show me pure tolerance (of the kids and of each other)
Adela who exhibits pure stupidity of conviction
Hubert who is pure, 100% geek.
Yes I do. Every single day. (not going to use "miss" in case I get accused of you-know-what by you-know-who-you-are)
The mirror behind the closet door shows weirdness. You are the weirdest girl I have ever met. Sorry, but I prefer to use the word "unique". Similar implications (deviation from the norm), but "unique" has more positive connotations.
So there.
For such a long time, I haven't:
- Seen pure goodness or pure evil
- Found a new friendship unspoilt by pragmatism or other ulterior motives
- Experienced perfect happiness or total sadness
- Felt untainted hatred
- Believed in absolute truth
- Admired flawless beauty
- Encountered unadulterated innocence
Why do you think everything has been corrupted? Can someone pass me a pair of rose-tinted prescription glasses? It would be a nice change to believe in things that are pure and wholly clean once again.
Quote from C.S. Lewis's The Problem of Pain:
"The creatures cause pain by being born, and live by inflicting pain, and in pain they mostly die."
I don't remember much about when I was born but I'm sure my mother does. Don't know much about dying in pain either, I haven't tried it yet. But I do know about living by inflicting pain. I do it to people around me all the time. And people do it to me too. So sorry I hurt you. Are you sorry you hurt me?
Another quote from C.S Lewis, this time from Perelandra:
"You make me grow old faster than I can bear."
Each time I realise something nasty about the world, I lose some more of the innocence that is youth. That is what makes me feel old all the time. Tonight I am older than I was last night. I can hear you say, "Innocence? No, this person and Innocence don't go together. Audrey is filth, filth is Audrey."
My point exactly. I have seen too much filth, corruption and unpleasant realities for innocence to exist inside.
Sir, why did you have to remind me? I was trying so hard to forget and doing so well too. Now the unhappy memories come flooding back. Where is the door that shuts out the nightmares? I can't find it anymore and I seem to have lost the key. You were the one who opened the floodgates. Won't you close them again and build me another door with a shiny new key (not combination lock)?
On Sunday, he accused us of hypocrisy. Five minutes later, he committed the same crime himself. "I'm sorry but we're just not interested." He preached love but his words reeked of indifference. We all know that the opposite of Love is not Hate but Indifference.
Pollution and Contamination. Perfection flawed. Purity spoilt.
I hate this. It doesn't feel good being cynical. Sadly, I'm far from those who can show me prove of pure things.
XY who shows me pure friendship
Jun who shows me pure insanity
Wen who shows me pure trust
Shan Shan who shows me Puritanism
LL and Jason who prove to me pure love (Who was it who said, "You are the love of my life?" I wonder.)
Doggy who shows me pure secretive-ness
My mummy and daddy who show me pure tolerance (of the kids and of each other)
Adela who exhibits pure stupidity of conviction
Hubert who is pure, 100% geek.
Yes I do. Every single day. (not going to use "miss" in case I get accused of you-know-what by you-know-who-you-are)
The mirror behind the closet door shows weirdness. You are the weirdest girl I have ever met. Sorry, but I prefer to use the word "unique". Similar implications (deviation from the norm), but "unique" has more positive connotations.
So there.
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Today, while showering, I pondered the unpredictability of life. (bored lah, nothing better to think about) I continued pondering while cycling out to do my shopping.
The thoughts went something like this (you can read if you are as boliao as me):
Not so long ago, I was living my life in Singapore, hoping that I might have a chance to experience life somewhere else.
Now I have gotten used to a different life here in York.
But come to think of it, as recently as a year ago, I could never have predicted or imagined that I would be here, studying Archaeology in York. In fact, this time last year, I was bumming around without a job. Waiting for the A-level results. I also remember going back to AJ to help out with the inter-house drama competition, mentoring, training and directing inexperienced J1s. One of my actors clinched the Best Actor Award.
At that time, I could never have predicted that I would enter the professional theatre world just a month later. Could never have anticipated the debauchery, the hypocrisy and arrogance I would encounter there. Sordidness and sleaze. Do whatever you please. I always knew such people existed but I had never experienced them in such high concentration before. But despite the nastiness, I was thankfully still able to see the good in a few people. The actress who took care of me, the stage manager (to whom I was assistant) who reprimanded the jerk who was behaving inappropriately (slapping my bum backstage, the bastard).
Even then, I could not have expected that I would change my mind and appeal for a different course. Can anybody remember how I was supposed to be doing something like Economics and International Relations? Or was it Politics and Economics? I can't even recall it. Suddenly decided that it would be so boring and picked Archaeology instead.
So here I am. How could I have ever, ever in my previous situation anticipated that I would be sitting in a kitchen, enjoying the company of an Iranian, a German and a Thai, discussing chendol, air pollution and swear words? How would I have known that I would have fun arguments about world politics with a Scotsman over tea? Having grown up in geographically flat, featureless Singapore, I never knew that a sport like caving even existed. And now I enjoy it so much.
Strange thing, Life. Can't ever predict it. So the best way must be to just go with the flow and enjoy it. I will try hard to have no regrets if I die tomorrow. But then again, bear the following story in mind:
A man was diagnosed with terminal end-stage cancer. The doctor told him he had at most two months left to live. At first, he got depressed. Then, he decided that he should make the best of his remaining time.
He went up to his boss, called him a Jackass and tendered his resignation.
He kicked his clingy wife and irritating kids out the door.
He sold his house and travelled the world with his money, staying in the best hotels and enjoying the best company money could buy.
On the third week of his last two months, he received a call from the doctor,
"I have fantastic news for you! There was a mix-up at the lab. You don't have cancer. In fact, you are in fantastic health! Isn't this just wonderful news? So sorry for the confusion."
The man ended the call. Walked out into the street and straight into the path of an oncoming truck.
Enjoy life my friends. It is unpredictable, true, but that is part of the wonder. Your dreams can come true, so can your nightmares. Therin lies the fun.
Live everyday like it is your last, but only to the extent that you can afford to go on if you wake up alive tomorrow.
The thoughts went something like this (you can read if you are as boliao as me):
Not so long ago, I was living my life in Singapore, hoping that I might have a chance to experience life somewhere else.
Now I have gotten used to a different life here in York.
But come to think of it, as recently as a year ago, I could never have predicted or imagined that I would be here, studying Archaeology in York. In fact, this time last year, I was bumming around without a job. Waiting for the A-level results. I also remember going back to AJ to help out with the inter-house drama competition, mentoring, training and directing inexperienced J1s. One of my actors clinched the Best Actor Award.
At that time, I could never have predicted that I would enter the professional theatre world just a month later. Could never have anticipated the debauchery, the hypocrisy and arrogance I would encounter there. Sordidness and sleaze. Do whatever you please. I always knew such people existed but I had never experienced them in such high concentration before. But despite the nastiness, I was thankfully still able to see the good in a few people. The actress who took care of me, the stage manager (to whom I was assistant) who reprimanded the jerk who was behaving inappropriately (slapping my bum backstage, the bastard).
Even then, I could not have expected that I would change my mind and appeal for a different course. Can anybody remember how I was supposed to be doing something like Economics and International Relations? Or was it Politics and Economics? I can't even recall it. Suddenly decided that it would be so boring and picked Archaeology instead.
So here I am. How could I have ever, ever in my previous situation anticipated that I would be sitting in a kitchen, enjoying the company of an Iranian, a German and a Thai, discussing chendol, air pollution and swear words? How would I have known that I would have fun arguments about world politics with a Scotsman over tea? Having grown up in geographically flat, featureless Singapore, I never knew that a sport like caving even existed. And now I enjoy it so much.
Strange thing, Life. Can't ever predict it. So the best way must be to just go with the flow and enjoy it. I will try hard to have no regrets if I die tomorrow. But then again, bear the following story in mind:
A man was diagnosed with terminal end-stage cancer. The doctor told him he had at most two months left to live. At first, he got depressed. Then, he decided that he should make the best of his remaining time.
He went up to his boss, called him a Jackass and tendered his resignation.
He kicked his clingy wife and irritating kids out the door.
He sold his house and travelled the world with his money, staying in the best hotels and enjoying the best company money could buy.
On the third week of his last two months, he received a call from the doctor,
"I have fantastic news for you! There was a mix-up at the lab. You don't have cancer. In fact, you are in fantastic health! Isn't this just wonderful news? So sorry for the confusion."
The man ended the call. Walked out into the street and straight into the path of an oncoming truck.
Enjoy life my friends. It is unpredictable, true, but that is part of the wonder. Your dreams can come true, so can your nightmares. Therin lies the fun.
Live everyday like it is your last, but only to the extent that you can afford to go on if you wake up alive tomorrow.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
I went for one of my late night walks again. Not too late and not too far this time (see post on Jan 30). It was cold and dark. Perfect conditions for a late night walk. Helps me think and untangle troubled strands of thoughts.
I remember how, a long time ago in JC, I wasn't feeling too happy in school. I walked out into the rain and Xinying ran after me and walked with me. Even though I was walking aimlessly and she had no idea what was troubling me. (I can't remember either) Naive though she may be, she truly knows how to be a friend. Can't really remember, but I don't think we were very close at that time. Which makes the fact that she ran after me in the rain all the more surprising and wonderful. I have carved the incident deeply and clearly in my mind so that I will not forget.
To this day, whenever I get upset and need to go walking, I glance behind, hoping to see someone running out to walk with me. I did it just now when I stepped out into the night. So far, there hasn't been anyone.
I have many good friends. Thank you God for them. Can I have some more please?
I remember how, a long time ago in JC, I wasn't feeling too happy in school. I walked out into the rain and Xinying ran after me and walked with me. Even though I was walking aimlessly and she had no idea what was troubling me. (I can't remember either) Naive though she may be, she truly knows how to be a friend. Can't really remember, but I don't think we were very close at that time. Which makes the fact that she ran after me in the rain all the more surprising and wonderful. I have carved the incident deeply and clearly in my mind so that I will not forget.
To this day, whenever I get upset and need to go walking, I glance behind, hoping to see someone running out to walk with me. I did it just now when I stepped out into the night. So far, there hasn't been anyone.
I have many good friends. Thank you God for them. Can I have some more please?
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Monday, February 20, 2006
Song change! Alamate Soal by Shadmehr Aghili. Weird persian song. You guys have probably guessed that this is the season of quirky music tastes for me. Cross your fingers and hope for a better song next time. I'm very interested to know how many of you enjoy this song as much as I do. I think it sounds very Bollywood. I like the whistling bit. I was whistling it in a cave for the nice echoes.
Two Poems
It is late and I am feeling poetic again. Allow me to indulge in some literary nonsense. I present two poems to you, dear readers. As always, comments, critiques and criticisms are most welcome.
Whither Conscience?
for Adela who is sometimes very good and sometimes evil.
(inspired by The Satanic Verses by S. Rushdie and the whole idea of there being external forces that influence human decisions)
Angel
On one shoulder
Devil
On the other
One for guidance
Show me the right path
One for deviance
Fair enough
Go right!
Turn around!
But I will take delight
In standing my ground
Ignoring the sound
Of dissenting voices
Angel inspires
Devil conspires
But they can't keep me
From what my heart desires
Always my will
Never theirs
I never listened
Never did
Never will
And now my shoulders are free
From the weight of their feet
And my ears do not feel
The intense heat
Of the eternal argument
They abandoned me
To seek their own enlightenment
Trusting you
for Xinying who trusts and Mehdi who distrusts
(inspired by XY's terrible experience of abused trust and conversations in the kitchen with Mehdi, a new friend)
I like you
I know you
Test me and I'll show you
My uttermost dependability
My childish gullibility
I believe you
I trust you
Though I hardly know you
Test me and I'll show you
My inner vulnerability
My heart's tender fragility
Lie to me
Exploit of me
Take advantage of my stupidity
Are you sorry?
Do you worry?
That you've spoilt my perfect life story?
Crush me
Damage me
Utterly destroy me
I have no intuition
No instinctive self-protection
To stop me being harmed
By your horrific predation
I should have been alarmed
Why was I so dumb?
(XY, I specially wrote this poem with rhymes so that you can memorise and recite it to yourself when dealing with new people)
Whither Conscience?
for Adela who is sometimes very good and sometimes evil.
(inspired by The Satanic Verses by S. Rushdie and the whole idea of there being external forces that influence human decisions)
Angel
On one shoulder
Devil
On the other
One for guidance
Show me the right path
One for deviance
Fair enough
Go right!
Turn around!
But I will take delight
In standing my ground
Ignoring the sound
Of dissenting voices
Angel inspires
Devil conspires
But they can't keep me
From what my heart desires
Always my will
Never theirs
I never listened
Never did
Never will
And now my shoulders are free
From the weight of their feet
And my ears do not feel
The intense heat
Of the eternal argument
They abandoned me
To seek their own enlightenment
Trusting you
for Xinying who trusts and Mehdi who distrusts
(inspired by XY's terrible experience of abused trust and conversations in the kitchen with Mehdi, a new friend)
I like you
I know you
Test me and I'll show you
My uttermost dependability
My childish gullibility
I believe you
I trust you
Though I hardly know you
Test me and I'll show you
My inner vulnerability
My heart's tender fragility
Lie to me
Exploit of me
Take advantage of my stupidity
Are you sorry?
Do you worry?
That you've spoilt my perfect life story?
Crush me
Damage me
Utterly destroy me
I have no intuition
No instinctive self-protection
To stop me being harmed
By your horrific predation
I should have been alarmed
Why was I so dumb?
(XY, I specially wrote this poem with rhymes so that you can memorise and recite it to yourself when dealing with new people)
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Goose, Geese
On Friday night, I tried to bug Anna, the german girl, to watch a musical with me (our flatmate was performing). But sadly, she had a migraine. I tried to bug Rory, but he was broke. Luckily, I managed to bug Mehdi, to go with me.
The musical was quite good, considering that all the people working on it were busy, busy students. It was a comedy not unlike Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing. This one loves that one, that one loves the other one. And in the end, everyone pairs up with somebody. That kind. It was quite good entertainment for £5.
On the way back, we were cycling past the fields and the sky was completely clear and the stars were all out. This meant that it was very cold because of the lack of cloud cover. I was trying to hao4 lian4 and pointing out Orion's belt and the winter triangle to Mehdi, forgetting that I only had one hand on the bike. And I almost killed this flock of geese that were wandering the fields. I cycled past them shouting, "Goose! Goose! Goose!" And Mehdi said, "No, it should be 'geese'." I replied, "I was only talking to one of them."
I went caving yesterday. Such a tiring cave. We were in there for 9 hours and came out completely knackered. It was a grade 4/5 cave, 5 being the hardest grade. There were some fantastic formations in there though. It was cold when we emerged. One of the guys, Adrian Turner (same guy who took the minibus photo) had brought his down feather jacket to lend to me because he knew from experience that I'm always very cold after caving. Such a nice fellow who owns a goose. The jacket is so full of feathers that we call it a goose. He was driving that trip and turned up the car heater to maximum on my request. It was like a desert in the car. So hot that halfway back, he stopped the car to strip down to a t-shirt before continuing. In the end, it was simply too hot and the rest of the people were sweltering so the heat got turned down. Maybe I should pack warmer clothes next time. I mostly don't bring enough warm stuff because I don't like having to take the big bag along.
The musical was quite good, considering that all the people working on it were busy, busy students. It was a comedy not unlike Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing. This one loves that one, that one loves the other one. And in the end, everyone pairs up with somebody. That kind. It was quite good entertainment for £5.
On the way back, we were cycling past the fields and the sky was completely clear and the stars were all out. This meant that it was very cold because of the lack of cloud cover. I was trying to hao4 lian4 and pointing out Orion's belt and the winter triangle to Mehdi, forgetting that I only had one hand on the bike. And I almost killed this flock of geese that were wandering the fields. I cycled past them shouting, "Goose! Goose! Goose!" And Mehdi said, "No, it should be 'geese'." I replied, "I was only talking to one of them."
I went caving yesterday. Such a tiring cave. We were in there for 9 hours and came out completely knackered. It was a grade 4/5 cave, 5 being the hardest grade. There were some fantastic formations in there though. It was cold when we emerged. One of the guys, Adrian Turner (same guy who took the minibus photo) had brought his down feather jacket to lend to me because he knew from experience that I'm always very cold after caving. Such a nice fellow who owns a goose. The jacket is so full of feathers that we call it a goose. He was driving that trip and turned up the car heater to maximum on my request. It was like a desert in the car. So hot that halfway back, he stopped the car to strip down to a t-shirt before continuing. In the end, it was simply too hot and the rest of the people were sweltering so the heat got turned down. Maybe I should pack warmer clothes next time. I mostly don't bring enough warm stuff because I don't like having to take the big bag along.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Right now, my dear little rascal of a sister in New Zealand. That is even further away from me than Australia. Far, far south. Yesterday, I attended a seminar by a Peter Gathercole, fellow of Darwin College Cambridge. A fantastic lecturer and expert on NZ Maori archaeology. He was going on about these cool tattooed heads that they have in the museums. Yes, real human heads that are tattooed and were separated from their owners and preserved. Since my sister is a naughty girl, she will probably be kidnapped and turned into a tattooed head. Don't worry, Mei, I will visit your head in the museum :)
See what a nice sister I am.
See what a nice sister I am.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
The Iranian guy sent me a link to this video yesterday. Russian blondes. Man... check it out . Those who know me well will understand why I suffered nosebleed. Have I finally found a person with the exact same taste as me?
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
A fantastically funny picture taken by my good grandkid, Tan Yi Jun. Shows you the reason why women should never take their husbands and kids out shopping. Go Here
Valentine's day has always held special significance for me. It is a wonderful day to tease people about their love lives. Hee Hee :) This time was no different. One of my flatmates was experiencing a valentine's card-induced dilemma. The Iranian, the Cypriot and I were giving "good advice". It would be wrong for me to go on about it so I will stop.
Love and relationships are unnecessary complications in life. Nothing signifies this truth more than the £2.50 Single Belgian Roses that were selling like hotcakes in the city streets today. Why would anyone pay that much for a single, dead flower? Poor flowers, killed and sold at exorbitant prices so that people can pretend that they love each other very much. So much that they would be willingly robbed in broad daylight by unscrupulous florists. I feel so, so sorry for the flowers. What did their tragic deaths achieve?
It is better, I think, not to fall in love. Or if you do, just take some good medicine to cure the disease. But I know that you sappy people just can't resist the temptation. I have heard rumours of two people (you know who you are), going shopping together for Valentine's Day presents for their respective love interests. Did you really? Tell me all about your celebrations. I am curious and a big Kaypo.
The Catholic Chaplain sent out an email that included these words of comfort:
"If today you haven’t received a card expressing the undying love of your favourite person. Just remember, the one whom you are looking for is looking for you!"
I know who is looking for me. The CIA, the Interpol and the International Tribunal of Human Rights. Honestly, it really wasn't me!
And I have already found my favourite person. Right there in the mirror. Me. I appreciate the fact that I don't ask me to buy flowers for myself. I like how I don't ask me out on dates at inconvenient times. It is good that I don't distract me from my studies (well, only occasionally).
Hey, you there! Come back. Don’t run away! I was only joking. Really!
Love and relationships are unnecessary complications in life. Nothing signifies this truth more than the £2.50 Single Belgian Roses that were selling like hotcakes in the city streets today. Why would anyone pay that much for a single, dead flower? Poor flowers, killed and sold at exorbitant prices so that people can pretend that they love each other very much. So much that they would be willingly robbed in broad daylight by unscrupulous florists. I feel so, so sorry for the flowers. What did their tragic deaths achieve?
It is better, I think, not to fall in love. Or if you do, just take some good medicine to cure the disease. But I know that you sappy people just can't resist the temptation. I have heard rumours of two people (you know who you are), going shopping together for Valentine's Day presents for their respective love interests. Did you really? Tell me all about your celebrations. I am curious and a big Kaypo.
The Catholic Chaplain sent out an email that included these words of comfort:
"If today you haven’t received a card expressing the undying love of your favourite person. Just remember, the one whom you are looking for is looking for you!"
I know who is looking for me. The CIA, the Interpol and the International Tribunal of Human Rights. Honestly, it really wasn't me!
And I have already found my favourite person. Right there in the mirror. Me. I appreciate the fact that I don't ask me to buy flowers for myself. I like how I don't ask me out on dates at inconvenient times. It is good that I don't distract me from my studies (well, only occasionally).
Hey, you there! Come back. Don’t run away! I was only joking. Really!
Monday, February 13, 2006
The essay is done and handed in. I think what I handed in was not an essay but a piece of crap. But we shall see... sometimes, the markers like crap.
I will concentrate on pulling myself back away from the edge of insanity.
Relax... relax...Take it easy.
And, PREPARE FOR SEMINAR TOMORROW!
Yes, it is a hard life and it never stops. If it ever does, you will know that you're dead. That is how it is. Living is hard work. Dying is so easy by comparison. Too easy.
I will concentrate on pulling myself back away from the edge of insanity.
Relax... relax...Take it easy.
And, PREPARE FOR SEMINAR TOMORROW!
Yes, it is a hard life and it never stops. If it ever does, you will know that you're dead. That is how it is. Living is hard work. Dying is so easy by comparison. Too easy.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Dear Friends,
I am trying to write an essay that is driving me insane. By that, I mean far more insane than usual. It is terrible and hard. Makes me feel stupid. Don't like feeling stupid. Like being smart.
Is it true that eating avocados makes you more susceptible to insanity? Somebody help me, please.
Tomorrow, I will hand in the essay and this will all be over. Until the next one comes along in two weeks time...
Imaginary voice: "Naughty Audrey! Stop blogging and get back to your work right now!"
Me: "Ok"
I am trying to write an essay that is driving me insane. By that, I mean far more insane than usual. It is terrible and hard. Makes me feel stupid. Don't like feeling stupid. Like being smart.
Is it true that eating avocados makes you more susceptible to insanity? Somebody help me, please.
Tomorrow, I will hand in the essay and this will all be over. Until the next one comes along in two weeks time...
Imaginary voice: "Naughty Audrey! Stop blogging and get back to your work right now!"
Me: "Ok"
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
I was checkingthe ISP tracker for this blog. I found that there were entries to this blog from a french site, so I clicked on it to see what sort of page it was. And... !!!!!!! http://cubembom.blogspot.com/2005_09_01_cubembom_archive.html Don't go if you don't want to be mistaken for a pervert. But knowing the people who read this blog, I guess you will all be curious and go there anyway.
What do you make of it? Personally, I blame the random "next blog" button on the top right hand corner.
Surreal...
What do you make of it? Personally, I blame the random "next blog" button on the top right hand corner.
Surreal...
The most fantastic thing happened today. A guy came to the flat and fixed the hot water boiler! Maybe I should explain. For the past few weeks, the hot water in my flat has been wonky. The tap gives you not more than 5 minutes of hot water before it turns into a Siberian Ice Spring in deep winter. I've been taking really quick showers. People who know my shower habits will be gasping in awe and wonder at how I can possibly shower in under 5 minutes. After all, I am the one who is famous for taking hour-long showers. Well, now that the hot water is back to normal, I can go back to doing that.
I've been reading these academic texts, trying to research my essay (due on Monday). My new ambition is to be an academic scholar and write lots and lots of books just like the ones that I've been reading. Books that don't make sense. Books that pretend to be in English when they are actually written in Jargon-ish. Paragraphs that, once you struggle past the jargon, don't say anything worthwhile.
This History and Theory of Archaeology course gives me new ideas to ponder every lecture and seminar. Too many ideas and theories. They are messing up my poor brain. Soon, there will be nothing left in my head but a bloody mess.
I don't like the feeling of not knowing everything. I don't like to feel stupid. Actually, I don't like to feel less smart than anyone. I have to be the smartest ass, the brightest student, a rising star. I have to feel that I should be giving lectures to lecturers and be paid to do so. Yes, I agree that the psychology of me is weird and disturbing.
But you know, maybe if I believe, believe, believe that I am the most intelligent, well-read, charismatic person in the whole entire world, it will be true. Positive thinking, Audrey. Audrey is better than everybody else because she is intelligent, works hard and simply has a superior mind. Come to think of it, who needs positive thinking anyway? I don't. Not when I'm already THE BEST. (see, it worked!)
All of you should think like this too. Together, we will become the top brains of the world. Of course, I will always be far better than you.
I've been reading these academic texts, trying to research my essay (due on Monday). My new ambition is to be an academic scholar and write lots and lots of books just like the ones that I've been reading. Books that don't make sense. Books that pretend to be in English when they are actually written in Jargon-ish. Paragraphs that, once you struggle past the jargon, don't say anything worthwhile.
This History and Theory of Archaeology course gives me new ideas to ponder every lecture and seminar. Too many ideas and theories. They are messing up my poor brain. Soon, there will be nothing left in my head but a bloody mess.
I don't like the feeling of not knowing everything. I don't like to feel stupid. Actually, I don't like to feel less smart than anyone. I have to be the smartest ass, the brightest student, a rising star. I have to feel that I should be giving lectures to lecturers and be paid to do so. Yes, I agree that the psychology of me is weird and disturbing.
But you know, maybe if I believe, believe, believe that I am the most intelligent, well-read, charismatic person in the whole entire world, it will be true. Positive thinking, Audrey. Audrey is better than everybody else because she is intelligent, works hard and simply has a superior mind. Come to think of it, who needs positive thinking anyway? I don't. Not when I'm already THE BEST. (see, it worked!)
All of you should think like this too. Together, we will become the top brains of the world. Of course, I will always be far better than you.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
My sister has found this blog! Congratulations. Now, she can read all the nasty things I've written about her.
By the way, mei, this song is dedicated to you. Ice Cream Man by Tom Waits. haha. An inside joke. I hope Jun finds this less depressing. I personally think it's depressingly sappy. I'll leave it on for just a little while...
My sister is an angel-faced devil.
So sweet...
How lovely..
But behind the pretty face, are the most horrifying thoughts.
I am a devil-faced angel.
Aggressive...
Scary...
But all I want to do is to make you smile.
By the way, mei, this song is dedicated to you. Ice Cream Man by Tom Waits. haha. An inside joke. I hope Jun finds this less depressing. I personally think it's depressingly sappy. I'll leave it on for just a little while...
My sister is an angel-faced devil.
So sweet...
How lovely..
But behind the pretty face, are the most horrifying thoughts.
I am a devil-faced angel.
Aggressive...
Scary...
But all I want to do is to make you smile.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Teasing Baba about her pink tudong (see tag board) and all the while I've been walking around in one. Just kidding! It's a blue scarf that I wear only when I have to go out at night. Why? Three reasons.
1. No one can see it in the dark
2. Head gets cold.
3. Hat is too warm (only for cycling)
And those are my three reasons for wearing a blue tudong at night!
My mummy would go berserk if she knew I like to walk around with a head scarf. She is religious-ist and thinks that wearing headscarves makes people look like suicide bombers who will be shot on sight by members of the secret police who run a nationwide clandestine monitoring programme for foreigners who put cloths on their heads.
The Iranian just gave me a bag of 8 clementines (small oranges). Wow! He got them very cheaply and is apparently going around distributing them to all his friends. I'm happy. It is still the chinese new year festival and I choose to see it as a sign of good luck to recieve 8 oranges. And this guy has absolutely no clue about the significance of oranges or of the number 8. That makes it even better luck. Well, I am ethnically Chinese. And Chinese are perhaps THE most superstitious race in modern times.
1. No one can see it in the dark
2. Head gets cold.
3. Hat is too warm (only for cycling)
And those are my three reasons for wearing a blue tudong at night!
My mummy would go berserk if she knew I like to walk around with a head scarf. She is religious-ist and thinks that wearing headscarves makes people look like suicide bombers who will be shot on sight by members of the secret police who run a nationwide clandestine monitoring programme for foreigners who put cloths on their heads.
The Iranian just gave me a bag of 8 clementines (small oranges). Wow! He got them very cheaply and is apparently going around distributing them to all his friends. I'm happy. It is still the chinese new year festival and I choose to see it as a sign of good luck to recieve 8 oranges. And this guy has absolutely no clue about the significance of oranges or of the number 8. That makes it even better luck. Well, I am ethnically Chinese. And Chinese are perhaps THE most superstitious race in modern times.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
My life is study, study and more study. Ah... sweet life.
I had a geeky arguement (ok, more like debate. but "arguement" sounds more exciting) with Rory just now. We were yakking over whether or not people in jail are part of society. My stand was yes. He thought no. We just couldn't agree. And at last I asked the crucial question, "Why are we arguing about this?" He said," Dunno, just felt like it."
The Iranian guy tried to show me an equation that starts with Time=Money and concludes by "proving" that Women=Problems. I'd seen this psuedo-equation before in emails that my spammer auntie sends me. I re-wrote the equation to "prove" that Man= lots of problems and stupidity. Then I dismantled the equation by exposing the false and inaccurate assuptions in it. Such as, Money=square root of Problems. And then I asked him that since he believed Women wasted time, money and caused problems, if he prefered Men instead. He said I was a dangerous person and laughed. Come to think of it, he didn't actually say no...
I love this guy. He reminds me so so much of the lovable Azeena. He even looks horrified and asks me to stop when I swear. Even when I was just reading to him from a storybook (The Satanic Verses). How can you not like such a person? It's been so long since I had somebody to shock and scandalise with my foul-mouthed speech. I didn't realise how much I missed that look of utter scandal and horror on lovely Azeena's face when I used to say "Fuck" for no other reason than to shock her. And of course, the Puritan ah boy provides me with such entertainment too. I suppose I am perverse in this way. But it's like the forbidden fruit. The more you are not allowed to have something, the more you want it. Which is why both the Iranian guy and I are so interested and curious about The Satanic Verses. Because it is banned in both our countries. I think it was some Iranian religious leader who first started banning it. Yes, forbidden fruit tastes best.
I had a geeky arguement (ok, more like debate. but "arguement" sounds more exciting) with Rory just now. We were yakking over whether or not people in jail are part of society. My stand was yes. He thought no. We just couldn't agree. And at last I asked the crucial question, "Why are we arguing about this?" He said," Dunno, just felt like it."
The Iranian guy tried to show me an equation that starts with Time=Money and concludes by "proving" that Women=Problems. I'd seen this psuedo-equation before in emails that my spammer auntie sends me. I re-wrote the equation to "prove" that Man= lots of problems and stupidity. Then I dismantled the equation by exposing the false and inaccurate assuptions in it. Such as, Money=square root of Problems. And then I asked him that since he believed Women wasted time, money and caused problems, if he prefered Men instead. He said I was a dangerous person and laughed. Come to think of it, he didn't actually say no...
I love this guy. He reminds me so so much of the lovable Azeena. He even looks horrified and asks me to stop when I swear. Even when I was just reading to him from a storybook (The Satanic Verses). How can you not like such a person? It's been so long since I had somebody to shock and scandalise with my foul-mouthed speech. I didn't realise how much I missed that look of utter scandal and horror on lovely Azeena's face when I used to say "Fuck" for no other reason than to shock her. And of course, the Puritan ah boy provides me with such entertainment too. I suppose I am perverse in this way. But it's like the forbidden fruit. The more you are not allowed to have something, the more you want it. Which is why both the Iranian guy and I are so interested and curious about The Satanic Verses. Because it is banned in both our countries. I think it was some Iranian religious leader who first started banning it. Yes, forbidden fruit tastes best.
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