The first reading of the script for the musical was carried out today. I arranged a few tables in the middle of a room and put chairs and garden benches (for some reason there were garden benches in the second floor room) around it. The director brought snacks like potato chips, dips and blueberries and everyone sat around and discussed the play in comfort. Opps! Did I say everybody? Actually, no. I was sitting on a dinghy wooden platform covered in muck and sand in a little dusty corner of the room beside the CD player. My job was to press the play tracks from the musical that had been recorded earlier. It would have been a respectable job and a good reason for a member of the production team to sit in a sandy corner if the were more than 3 tracks (averaging 2.5 minutes each) that had to be played over the space of 4 hours. You have to respect the effort that goes into making sure that everyone feels they are a valued member of the team.

After the reading session, my stage manager asked me to join them at the table. Then, the director asked for comments from "anybody, anybody at all". He glanced pointedly in my direction once. Don't you think it would have been kinder to just continue to ignore a person who has been in a corner from which the readings and discussion of the past 4 hours sounded muffled and unclear rather than to expect intelligent and relevant comment from them? I made a mental note to call The Book of World Records people that a new record for tactlessness had just been set.

I have decided to be nice and politely ignore the production team except for the stage manager who is at least nice to me. She thanks me for making photocopies of scripts and scores (more about photocopies later). As for the cast, I have decided to be politely nice to them because most of them remember my name and occassionally acknowledge my existence. Smart actors are never. NEVER nasty to crew. It isn't healthy. As everyone should know, Happy, Valued Crew = Safe Props and Food.

As promised a paragraph ago, I will tell you more about photocopies. My job for the past few days has consisted of making photocopies, and rearranging furniture. The detailed breakdown is as follows: Photocopying-97.3%, Moving Furniture-2.8%. This isn't stange when you think about how the script is 93 pages not including music scores. Copies of scripts and scores are constantly being updated which means new copies have to be made for everyone involved (aprox. 15). Fortunately, the highly advanced photocopier in the office takes a mere 10 minutes to scan 33 pages and 5 minutes to produce 33 printed pages (Scanning and printing are not the same. The advanced machine has to scan first, then print. Only low-end copiers scan and print simultaneously). So, let's do a little maths (not too much, please)

The script is 93 pages long. It takes 5 mins to scan 33 pages.
Therefore, it is necessary to scan the script in 3 sections.
5X3=15
It takes 15 mins to scan the script.

It takes 3 mins to print 33 pages. 1 copy of the script has to be printed in 3 sections.
3X3=9
It takes 9 mins to print 1 copy of the script.

Since the machine has an amazingly huge memory that is able to store 33 pages at a time, (wow! 1.44mb is just so amazing by today's standards!) an infinite number of copies can be made from just one scan.
Let's stick to 15 copies for now.

15X9=135

It takes 135 mins to print 15 copies.

Don't forget scanning time!

135+15=150

It takes 150 mins to make 15 copies of the script.

150/60=2.5

It takes 2.5 hours to make 15 copies of the script.//

Wow! Modern technology simply blows your mind doesn't it? I mean, the average photocopier of yesterday (literally 24hrs ago) could only manage about 30-40 pages per minute and here I am, privelledged enough to be able to use one that blazes away at lightning speed!

What with all the photocopying, stapling and paper clipping, crew work is definitely not for idiots. Don't even dream of applying for a job as a crew member unless you meet the minimum requirement of a Masters in Phyics and Computer Engineering.

I almost forgot to mention(how could I?) that the stage manager let me off early today at 5pm. I was initially told to stay til 8pm. See how much I am pampered. Strangely, before she let me off, she asked around if anybody needed any photocopies of anything. When they said no, she said I could go off. I wonder if the two events were connected in anyway.

Why am I so sacastic?
I dont know, I'm only a rocket scientist for goodness sake! Ask someone else, ok?

Why do I do crew work?
I'm smart. I know what I want in life. I desire only to hold a lowly-paid, physically-demanding job, to be completely ignored and for my contributions to be unacknowledged.