Home all day with only this laptop to entertain me. Grace gave me a ticket to insanity. Actually, more than one ticket.

The Crimson Room

The Wicked Levels

Really Weird Shit

Enjoy madness. Pull your hair out and smack your computer.

Last night, LL, Doggy, Jun and I met up for dinner. Belle joined us afterwards and we went to the NUS campus to visit Belle's and LL's rooms. LL showed us porn on her laptop. She is Sick man! Jun was very disturbed by the graphic Korean pornography. I wasn't surprised because I know LL well. You see, it's like this: I'm the vulgar one who spews bad language everywhere I go. I'm quite filthy-minded but nowhere as bad as LL. Jun is not vulgar and only a little dirty-minded compared to LL. LL is not vulgar but has the filthiest mind ever. She can find sexual connotations in every sentence you utter. And of course, she likes porn. haha weird shit man... As for Grace, well, she is the one who sent LL the porn movie. So, even though she sits there quietly with her big Harry Potter eyes, we must not be deluded into thinking that her mind is squeaky clean. And Belle just sits there, completely absorbed in the movie.
Ahhhhh... poor puritanical Shan, she must love us a lot.

I got back late last night. And this morning I had to start trying to wake up at 6am (waking up takes time ok!). Finally succeeded at 6.30am. Made it out of the house in time to reach the airport at 8.30am to send off Jun. She is coming back again soon! Yeah!

To all those who don't know:

Madam Jun has proven her architectural talent by winning an apprenticeship with some big shot Japanese architect working in Singapore. Don't play play! Ah ma is proud of Jun. She will design The Family Home when the time comes.

I had a nice lunch at an Indian restaurant with my parents. Everything was yummy. But I was almost assassinated by the hot-ness of the fish head curry.

Song Change. Skullcrusher Mountain by Jonathan Coulton.

"I'm so into you
But I'm way too smart for you"

I scored my first major victory in the campaign for maid's rights. Jovelyn (the new maid) now has a door with a lock for her room. For the past few months, she has been living and sleeping in a room with no door. I did it with a combination of coercion and threat. I mean, getting frustrated didn't help (Adela tried that when she was here). Asking nicely didn't work (I tried it at first). So, I had to threaten and do that psycho thing that I sometimes do (guilt is the key). But look at the nice new door! It is only right that this young girl who has come to work in a strange country in a house with strangers has a lockable door to her room. Sometimes, the ends justify the means.

Yesterday, I had a nice BBQ at East Coast Beach with my family.
The first two pictures show how I have changed my "look" since coming home.

First, I visited the hairdresser's,



Then I visited the dentist, who did a fantastic job.



With my new looks, I tried to pick up a hunky swimsuit model.



My lovely grandmother. Her hair is almost like mine.



On a rocky wave break, a little boy ran towards me as the sun set.



For now, his feet are still smaller than mine. But not for long.



The food was good...




And the Satay man was psychotic. Driven insane by Satay so big they were more Kebab than Satay.

Back in Singapore where it is always far too hot and humid. I went out yesterday and was sorely tempted to start stripping in the streets.

LL and XY met me at the airport and we had dinner at Sakae Sushi. Yummy Yummy. Sushi tastes gooooooood.

I got home and my grandmother was the only one visibly excited to see me. My mother said Hello and opened the door for me. My father just sat in his chair and said Hi. My brother said Hi in a bored, monotonous voice without looking away from the computer screen. Times like this, you doubt if they want you back at all.

There is a stranger in my house. Her name is Jovelyn and she is the new Filipino maid. I don't know her at all and it is such an uncomfortable situation having to negotiate my way around her. I posted a letter and bought stamps for her yesterday, hopefully I will get to know her better soon. You all know how much I "like" new people.

I have issues with this maid in the home thing. I don't approve of the way my parents and grandmother treat servants. It's all wrong, wrong, wrong. I don't like it at all. I believe that maids in the home must be treated kindly and as equals. This is not happening in my home. I gave my father some advice on it yesterday and explained how unwise it is to try to prevent Jovelyn from making her own friends here.

I think it was in one of the Harry Potter books that a character said," the true measure of a man is not how he treats his equals but how he treats his inferiors."
Adela has the same opinion on this issue but she is not here to support my campaign for human rights.

My mother kindly informed me that I should work in the Summer vacation to save up money for after graduation. I am getting kicked out of the house after I finish my Masters (if I decide to do it). I asked her where I should work/live after graduation. She said, "anywhere you like but I will not be paying any money for you." I'm supposed to save money to keep myself alive in the time between after graduation and the first pay check.
She gets extremely unhappy when I talk about how I would very much like to do some travelling around Europe in the summer. The situation has completely changed from six months ago when we were looking at the university prospectus together and she said, "York is such a nice place and you can take the chance to see tour Europe during your vacations."

But my mummy likes me. I know she does. How can she not like me. I am so nice.

After I get my Masters I might apply for a research post in Antarctica. I like penguins.

so.

On Friday and Saturday, I was out in the Yorkshire wolds fieldwalking. It was part of my course and not as fun as it sounds.

On Friday, was staked out 20X20msq on the field with pole markers then divided these into 5X5msq. Then, each person took one square and the fieldwalking commenced. Basically, you walk up and down your square with your head bent to look at each square inch of the ground and bend down to pick up anything that looks vaguely archaeological. Horrible stuff. 5X5msq after 5X5msq, your neck and back ache and you wish for massage services to be provided in a godforsaken field where the nearest village is 2 hours drive away. The cold and damp are not made better by the gale-force winds. It is much worse than in the city because it is an open space. On Friday, it was rainy and windy. Absolutely miserable.

On Saturday, there was snow for 2 hours then blizzard. James Taylor, who was walking the square next to me, raised his arms and yelled," OH MIGHTY POSEIDON, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?" and went on to pray for a blizzard and two feet of snow. If the snow settled and covered the field, we would be allowed to pack up and go home. When the snow did not settle, James hopped around with his sample bag (zip lock) open, trying to catch a bag of snowflakes to shove in the face of our supervisor so he would realised that we should go home due to blizzard conditions.

I was so exhausted after fieldwalking on Saturday but forced myself to write my essay. Completed it on Sunday and was quite happy.

I also hung out with James and Pedro quite a lot in the past few days because of the seminar preparation. They are full of crap. Work never gets done around these two and the day is filled with laughter and sick jokes about dead babies.

Qn: What's better than 10 babies in one bin?
Ans: 1 baby in 10 bins

Qn: What's the difference between a Ferrari and a bucket full of chopped up baby?
Ans: I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

Lovely guys.

I have an open exam tomorrow. Trying to study but I can't concentrate. Thank goodness it is not counted towards the final degree. However, I will have to re-take it if I fail. I think I might.

Yesterday was eventful and interesting.

It was raining all afternoon. I cycled to town to meet Pedro Tavares and James Taylor to discuss a seminar for next week. Got there all wet and cold. Pedro was standing under an umbrella by the fountain. James was nowhere in sight. After about 10 unanswered calls to him, we gave up and went to have lunch in a small pub. Pedro has a high opinion of his own weirdness. I think I'm weirder. We were having a sort of competition to see who was weirder. Pretty fun. I think I rather like this fella. He has a filthy mind just like me and we had a nice time talking crap. I like crap.

The seminar we were supposed to be discussing is a role-play type thing where each group adopts a theoretical position e.g.: Contextualism, Marxism, Processualism, and argues why it is best. However, after the last seminar where Edward Williams used a rather inappropriate analogy, the phrase "role play" has acquired kinky connotations in our seminar group.

Edward Williams was trying to use an example to illustrate the idea of locale which refers to a setting and all the rules and behaviours associated with it.
He said, "take for example the different locales of this seminar room and my own room on campus. In my own room, I can take off all my clothes and enjoy myself..."
Of course, we never knew what the second part of this unwisely chosen analogy was because most of us had died laughing. And at the end, of the seminar, he added," I can't wait for the Role Play next week!"

Back to the lunch with Pedro story. He was supposed to bring his Big Papa Smurf costume and James Taylor was supposed to get the French maid one out of the closet. Well... Anyway, We had good conversation about random things which included:

- A housemate whose hobby was setting fir e to the kitchen by turning on all the cooking rings on the hob, placing a switched on toaster upside down on it, turning on the oven underneath the hob and wandering the corridors with slit wrists (perfectly true, the guy is under investigation, facing expulsion).

- The possibility of sacrificing a baby goat in the pub and making pie out of it.

-The founder of the underground society Hate Soc who persuades his girlfriend to wear a balaclava.

- Good stir-fry recipes

We called up Taylor and left a bitchy voice message, then went to get chocolate chip cookies. I was bribed with a piece of Turkish delight so when he "hinted" that I should walk back with him instead of whizzing off on my bike, I was couldn’t refuse. We went walking back in the rain and his bright white trousers got dirty when the muddy front wheel of my bike decided to say hello to them. We were also trying to out swear each other in about 8-10 different languages. He could do Russian, Spanish, German, Portuguese and Imaginary. I did Chinese, Hokkien, German, French and Persian. English was kind of forgotten. Pronunciation was dodgy and there was no way either of us could be sure the other wasn't just using Imaginary language. Fun walk back but my jeans were soaked through.

I got back and had tea in the kitchen with Rory (who was agonising over an essay as usual) before retiring to my room for a short nap.

Then I went to the caving club elections. I was nominated for secretary but fortunately didn't get it because I said in my speech that I thought the other candidate would be better for the job. Also, the others knew I wanted another post. Phew! Secretary is a scary and demanding job. You have to apply for caving permits and insurance and all that. Papers scare me.

I got the Training Officer job. There will be two training officers next year. Myself and Jess. I started a trend when I suggested that we have two instead of just one person for the post. We got named Audress/Jessrey. And after that, people got really enthusiastic about having two people for posts. We ended up with two equipment officers and two webmasters as well. For the Old Fart rep (person in charge of keeping in touch with people who have graduated), we got quite close to voting in two guys, Richard and Andy, just because we would then be able to call them Randy! Luckily, sensible people spoke up and only Richard was voted in.

Got back and had dinner. Then, I went on Skype where one desperate Egyptian guy and a random Turkish paedophile started chatting with me when I accidentally set my status to "Skype Me". Mehdi egged me on to answer the call from the Egyptian desperado and I did. Fed him a load of rubbish then hung up. Yes, I was that bored.

I might be getting a bit of the family insomnia. I couldn't sleep and was writing in my journal until about 5am when I decisively whacked myself on the head with the big mallet.

I sat in a pub for over 3 hours today. How did I end up there? Completely by accidental chance. OK, lets forget about the pub story, start from the beginning of the day. We will get to the pub story eventually.

I woke up for no reason at 7am, thought, "fuck it" and closed my eyes again. Woke up again at 9.30 am, thought, "Screw this" and shut my eyes. Woke up at 10.30 am, thought, " alright, time to get up" and shut my eyes again. Woke up at 11.55am, thought, "Shit! I'm late!"

My essay was due in at King's Manor at 12pm. I leapt out of bed and rang the undergraduate secretary.

"Hello, can I just check what the penalty is for being late?"
"5% deducted off your mark, followed by 1% every subsequent day."
"Oh ok... because I was wondering whether it would be worth it to rush there today since I'm already late anyway"
"Oh that's alright, I'll be here until 2pm, as long as you get it in today, it's fine"
"Really? Thank you! I'll be there in half an hour."

Such a nice department I study in. So I hopped onto my trusty bike and pedalled furiously towards the city. And on the way I passed lots of the other first years on my course heading back towards campus.
Sam Carter remarked as I passed him, " you're a bit late aren't you?
James Taylor yelled after me, " Run! Forrest, Run!"
I almost knocked down James Ross when turning a corner and he chided, " You party too hard!"
(James Ross sits beside me in lectures and enjoys making jokes about how I am a wild party animal who dances the night away because I keep falling asleep in the many boring lectures)
Yes. I got there in the end and handed in my essay without incurring a penalty.

After handing in the infernal thing, my heart was light, the sun was shining and the world was beautiful and good once more. I went shopping at Sainsbury's and bought lots of chocolate. I'm going to die of chocolate soon. May I request: "Death by Chocolate" in my epitaph?

I got back to my flat around 4, had tea (psychedelic Iranian tea kindly supplied by Mehdi and chocolate-covered ginger stem cookies). In the kitchen with me were Anna, Rory, Clare (other blondie in my flat) and her boyfriend). Anna was being really keen and studying for her summer term module in Germany (she's leaving York for good after this term), Rory was writing an essay and Clare was distracting Rory by asking for advice for her French oral exam. It was nice being the only person there untroubled by thoughts of work, for the moment anyway. I fed Rory most of the cookies because he is hungry/greedy all the time. Then I got out the ginger snap biscuits, gave him 10 and told him that was his quota for the afternoon. He is one of those people who don't get fat. Just like Mehdi. Conventional wisdom says that most guys are like that, until they get to their 30s, then they start expanding sideways.

I had nothing better to do so I cycled to the library to return some books. I had a wander round the academic journals section while I was there. An article in a statistics journal tried to dispel widely held belief that left-handed people die younger and one in an electron spectronomy journal discussed the unique properties of i-don't-know-what molecule under a scanning electron microscope.

I got back to the flat around 6pm. And still had nothing better to do. Sat in the kitchen with trying to do some background reading for next week's seminar but wasn't in the right mood for it. Gave Rory some feedback and let him bounce ideas off me for his essay. Then decided to go for caving training because I was really bored.

I got to the Sports Centre to find the five other cavers just leaving. Apparently, they had gotten bored and had decided to go find some food instead. They asked me to join them and I did. We walked to a pub just outside town. (See, I kept my promise of telling you the pub story) I got a lemonade and chocolate cake with ice cream and cream. Luckily, one of the other guys was a teetotaller as well so I didn't feel to weird ordering something wussy like lemonade (don't actually like lemonade at all). The chocolate cake was good though. I thought the plan was just to get some food and leave but they ended up sitting there for hours, drinking pint after pint and reminiscing about caving adventures. Debbie (another fresher girl) and I weren't really able to join in the old farts' conversation but it was pretty interesting hearing about the crazy things the caving club got up to. Fun stuff like driving to Serbia to do a joint expedition with a caving club there. Getting stopped by Bosnian guards with big rifles and twisted ankles caused by being shoved underwater in underground streamways. It is the collective hope of the outgoing committee that the new one will work on recruiting more lunatics.

I walked back to the college with Debbie Flowers and we talked a bit about next year's accommodation. She is getting a house with 5 other people, two of whom are cavers. It is set to be the venue of caving club parties next year. She asked about my arrangements and I told her I would be staying in college residence (more expensive but less hassle. My mummy's call, not mine). She asked, "Aren't there any people you want to live together with?" (Because college accommodation is allocated, not chosen). I replied no. I know some pretty nice people but nobody that I really, really feel I NEED to get a house together with.

You see, If I got a house, I would have to really like every single person in the house or else it would be so uncomfortable. In college rooms, I just have to be able to get along with the others. Of course, I also have the freedom of spending more time with the people I really like. In a house, there would be much less choice because there is too much common living space. But houses around here are rather nice. Maybe in my third year.

In the meantime, I'm content. My flatmates are nice. Hope next year's ones will be good too.

Oh, yes. I forgot to tell you about my phone calls. When it started to snow, I was so excited that I phoned up my sister in New Zealand to tell her all about it. After 3 rings, I realised that because of the 13 hour time difference, it was 5am her side and hurriedly hung up. Opps! I called my mummy in Singapore to tell her. She picked up,"What? It's 12 midnight" And I yelled, "SNOW!" Yes snow, it gets me excited.

Today, I looked out of my window in the afternoon and... SNOW!!! I was so excited! I called Mehdi next door to go out and play in the snow with me but he asked, "Audrey, how old are you?" Fine! Be old! I went out to play in the snow by myself.
(as usual, click on photo to enlarge)
And just outside the block, I met two ducks that had decided to take a nice rest in the pretty snow.


The most spectacular thing was that the lake had frozen over and the snow had settled on it, making it a white lake. It was so beautiful ad cold. You know, I like cold things.


There were three amusing ducks walking in a single file on the ice. Everytime they came to a part where the ice looked thin, the duck in front would test it with its beak before leading the rest onto it.


Then, I went back to my room and a blizzard began. It snowed and snowed until everything was white and fluffy. I was despereate for someone to go play with me. I called Rory and he wasn't in. I called Anna but she didn't pick up. Finally, I had no choice but to try Mehdi again. This time, he agreed!

I wrote my name in HUGE letters in the grass patch under my window. I mean HUGE. While I was during this, Anna popped her head out of her second floor window and starting taking photographs of the crazy, over-excited me. It was so big... Here is a badly stitched photo that will give some idea of just how big it was.


You can see the delicate, artistic process of snowman construction in this photo.


The completed snowman.


I took a picture of a plant that was encrusted by snow.


Ah boy should be familiar with situations like these. Where someone tries to take a picture of me and I flip the bird at them.


Mehdi took a very good photo. It shows our opposite block as seen by a man peering out from behind snow-covered bushes.


As the sun started to set, we looked to the west for a breathtaking view.


Mehdi played it cool against the exquisite backdrop.


Finally, I decided to say goodbye to the fields blanketed by snow and went back inside to warm up.


Nice day, very nice. Good company, good fun. Give me these two things and I can be completely happy. Until I get hungry that is. Then, I'll need good food.

I like snow. Like it very much. But I really hope I won't be forced to cycle in it. If I am, be prepared for news of a bicycle accident.

Today was a very good day. The weather was cold but very sunny.

In the free time I had between lecture and seminar, I wandered around York and tooks nice pictures of my favourite haunts to show you. Click on the pictures to enlarge.

This is the fountain on Parliament Street which is the main street in the city. The sign above the street leading off it says: Newgate Market.


These are the stalls selling fruit and vegetables at Newgate Market.



And here are the Cheese, Fish and Meat stalls.


Museum and Museum Gardens from a particularly romantic perspective.


This is the little path that leads to the ruins of St. Mary's Abbey, just beside York Museum.


This is the view of the city from just outside King's Manor. It is the road right outside Bootham Bar. This is one of the most representative pictures that I have of the city. You can see the city walls, the minster, the bicycles and the road.


This is where I like to sit. High up on the city walls. I don't know why but I just like high places.


And I am the Boss of the Wall.


And the final picture for the day: A boy running after geese, not realising that above him, someone was taking a photo of him.


I hope you enjoyed the tour.

I was just planning my essay and doing some background reading in the kitchen when I happened to glance at my watch and realised that it was 2.30am. Man, my body clock is seriously screwed up. I need to visit a clock shop.

Just read the news that a german cat died of bird flu. We will probably all die a lot sooner than expected. Or maybe if we all start to overdose on vitamins, we will be safe from it.

German cats are out of bounds for the time being. I can handle that. I shall lavish my tender affections upon Persian cats, Siamese cats and imaginary cats instead.

Doggy says think of happier things. Ok.

As I was cycling to King's Manor today (cycling is boring, free time for nonsense thoughts), I had the most brilliant, genius idea ever. What if I tied my camera to the handlebars of the bicycle and filmed a video clip? How cool would that be? York from a bicycle's perspective. Wow! I can almost see myself winning lots of international short film awards. Of course, if a car crashed into me, the film would probably end up in the police evidence room. Or maybe you would all watch it in morbid fascination to experience what I saw just before I got smashed to pulp by a truck. Sweet.

Good idea isn't it? Hands up who wants me to do it. I will cater to popular demand.

Damn. This is developing into insomnia. Sleep is such a waste of time. Maybe I can try not sleeping for the rest of my life. I can sleep all I want when I'm dead. But then again, if I really don't sleep, death will probably come a lot sooner than expected. Ok, let me think of some things to blog about...

We'll start with a joke:

A bear, a lion and a chicken meet.

Bear says: "If I roar in the forests of North America, the entire forest is shivering with fear."

Lion says: "And if I roar on the great plains of Africa, the entire savannah is afraid of me."

Chicken says: "Big deal. I only have to sneeze, and the entire planet wets itself.


Continue with a message:

I'm glad we cleared up the misunderstanding. Your style is to avoid talking about upsetting things. Mine is to thresh things out in the open. What experience I've had in my life so far has taught me that it is better to confront issues (even minor ones) rather than pretend nothing happened. This way, everything can be straightened out before it gets too complicated. I am not sorry I forced you to talk about it even though you said to forget it. Now all is right as rain between us and we can continue to be friends. Isn't this better than pretending nothing happened and letting mistrust accumulate?

Move on to a tongue twister:

Whether the weather be fine
Or whether the weather be not
We'll weather the weather
Whatever the weather
Whether we like it or not.

Then we have a silly nursery song:

I'm sure LL and XY will remember how I loved singing this loudly in crowded places.

Oh the grand duke of York
He had a thousand men
He marched them up to the top of the hill
and he marched them down again

And when they were up they were up
And when they were down they were down
But when they were only halfway up
They were neither up nor down.

Isn't it a strange coincidence that I ended up studying in York?

I'm losing my coherence. Consciousness is slipping away. Sleep might just be possible.

I'll end with a wish:

I wish for lots of nice chocolate.

Good night. It is 4am. Good morning.

Song change! Israeli song. I haven't got a clue what he's on about. Sounds nice though. At least to me it does. I don't really care if you hate it.

Everything except nothing is tainted. Contaminated and Impure. And I'm not just talking about the environment either. Sure, the air these days is impure, so is the water. But so many other things have been polluted as well.

For such a long time, I haven't:

- Seen pure goodness or pure evil
- Found a new friendship unspoilt by pragmatism or other ulterior motives
- Experienced perfect happiness or total sadness
- Felt untainted hatred
- Believed in absolute truth
- Admired flawless beauty
- Encountered unadulterated innocence

Why do you think everything has been corrupted? Can someone pass me a pair of rose-tinted prescription glasses? It would be a nice change to believe in things that are pure and wholly clean once again.

Quote from C.S. Lewis's The Problem of Pain:

"The creatures cause pain by being born, and live by inflicting pain, and in pain they mostly die."

I don't remember much about when I was born but I'm sure my mother does. Don't know much about dying in pain either, I haven't tried it yet. But I do know about living by inflicting pain. I do it to people around me all the time. And people do it to me too. So sorry I hurt you. Are you sorry you hurt me?

Another quote from C.S Lewis, this time from Perelandra:

"You make me grow old faster than I can bear."

Each time I realise something nasty about the world, I lose some more of the innocence that is youth. That is what makes me feel old all the time. Tonight I am older than I was last night. I can hear you say, "Innocence? No, this person and Innocence don't go together. Audrey is filth, filth is Audrey."
My point exactly. I have seen too much filth, corruption and unpleasant realities for innocence to exist inside.

Sir, why did you have to remind me? I was trying so hard to forget and doing so well too. Now the unhappy memories come flooding back. Where is the door that shuts out the nightmares? I can't find it anymore and I seem to have lost the key. You were the one who opened the floodgates. Won't you close them again and build me another door with a shiny new key (not combination lock)?

On Sunday, he accused us of hypocrisy. Five minutes later, he committed the same crime himself. "I'm sorry but we're just not interested." He preached love but his words reeked of indifference. We all know that the opposite of Love is not Hate but Indifference.

Pollution and Contamination. Perfection flawed. Purity spoilt.

I hate this. It doesn't feel good being cynical. Sadly, I'm far from those who can show me prove of pure things.

XY who shows me pure friendship
Jun who shows me pure insanity
Wen who shows me pure trust
Shan Shan who shows me Puritanism
LL and Jason who prove to me pure love (Who was it who said, "You are the love of my life?" I wonder.)
Doggy who shows me pure secretive-ness
My mummy and daddy who show me pure tolerance (of the kids and of each other)
Adela who exhibits pure stupidity of conviction
Hubert who is pure, 100% geek.

Yes I do. Every single day. (not going to use "miss" in case I get accused of you-know-what by you-know-who-you-are)

The mirror behind the closet door shows weirdness. You are the weirdest girl I have ever met. Sorry, but I prefer to use the word "unique". Similar implications (deviation from the norm), but "unique" has more positive connotations.

So there.

Today, while showering, I pondered the unpredictability of life. (bored lah, nothing better to think about) I continued pondering while cycling out to do my shopping.

The thoughts went something like this (you can read if you are as boliao as me):

Not so long ago, I was living my life in Singapore, hoping that I might have a chance to experience life somewhere else.
Now I have gotten used to a different life here in York.

But come to think of it, as recently as a year ago, I could never have predicted or imagined that I would be here, studying Archaeology in York. In fact, this time last year, I was bumming around without a job. Waiting for the A-level results. I also remember going back to AJ to help out with the inter-house drama competition, mentoring, training and directing inexperienced J1s. One of my actors clinched the Best Actor Award.

At that time, I could never have predicted that I would enter the professional theatre world just a month later. Could never have anticipated the debauchery, the hypocrisy and arrogance I would encounter there. Sordidness and sleaze. Do whatever you please. I always knew such people existed but I had never experienced them in such high concentration before. But despite the nastiness, I was thankfully still able to see the good in a few people. The actress who took care of me, the stage manager (to whom I was assistant) who reprimanded the jerk who was behaving inappropriately (slapping my bum backstage, the bastard).

Even then, I could not have expected that I would change my mind and appeal for a different course. Can anybody remember how I was supposed to be doing something like Economics and International Relations? Or was it Politics and Economics? I can't even recall it. Suddenly decided that it would be so boring and picked Archaeology instead.

So here I am. How could I have ever, ever in my previous situation anticipated that I would be sitting in a kitchen, enjoying the company of an Iranian, a German and a Thai, discussing chendol, air pollution and swear words? How would I have known that I would have fun arguments about world politics with a Scotsman over tea? Having grown up in geographically flat, featureless Singapore, I never knew that a sport like caving even existed. And now I enjoy it so much.

Strange thing, Life. Can't ever predict it. So the best way must be to just go with the flow and enjoy it. I will try hard to have no regrets if I die tomorrow. But then again, bear the following story in mind:

---

A man was diagnosed with terminal end-stage cancer. The doctor told him he had at most two months left to live. At first, he got depressed. Then, he decided that he should make the best of his remaining time.

He went up to his boss, called him a Jackass and tendered his resignation.
He kicked his clingy wife and irritating kids out the door.
He sold his house and travelled the world with his money, staying in the best hotels and enjoying the best company money could buy.

On the third week of his last two months, he received a call from the doctor,

"I have fantastic news for you! There was a mix-up at the lab. You don't have cancer. In fact, you are in fantastic health! Isn't this just wonderful news? So sorry for the confusion."

The man ended the call. Walked out into the street and straight into the path of an oncoming truck.

---

Enjoy life my friends. It is unpredictable, true, but that is part of the wonder. Your dreams can come true, so can your nightmares. Therin lies the fun.
Live everyday like it is your last, but only to the extent that you can afford to go on if you wake up alive tomorrow.

Song change! Back to the loud stuff. Turn up the volume and blast your eardrums. Alternatively, turn down the volume and protect your sensitive eardrums, sissy.

I went for one of my late night walks again. Not too late and not too far this time (see post on Jan 30). It was cold and dark. Perfect conditions for a late night walk. Helps me think and untangle troubled strands of thoughts.

I remember how, a long time ago in JC, I wasn't feeling too happy in school. I walked out into the rain and Xinying ran after me and walked with me. Even though I was walking aimlessly and she had no idea what was troubling me. (I can't remember either) Naive though she may be, she truly knows how to be a friend. Can't really remember, but I don't think we were very close at that time. Which makes the fact that she ran after me in the rain all the more surprising and wonderful. I have carved the incident deeply and clearly in my mind so that I will not forget.

To this day, whenever I get upset and need to go walking, I glance behind, hoping to see someone running out to walk with me. I did it just now when I stepped out into the night. So far, there hasn't been anyone.

I have many good friends. Thank you God for them. Can I have some more please?

FEAGLE CALLING MARVIN

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