Today, we went back to school for lit. by Koochibrat (a teacher). It got really boring so we started talking cock. I wanted to go to Jason’s house with Liilng after exams to see them play CM (this football team management game thing). But LL doesn't allow me to. She says that Jason cannot bring home 2 girls. Then I got pissed cos I let Jason come to my house before. And I said that I wouldn't want to rape Jason even if he was thrown naked in front of me. I wouldn't do anything to hurt him? What’s she so scared of? Me? Then, she gave me the emotional blackmail look: big watery eyes. But I still felt it was not fair cos Jason and LL's parents already know they are together so they'll know I’m just an extra. If Jason could come to my house to bake cookies without my parents around, why can't I go to his house to play? This LL is really quite like Azeena in some ways, very old fashioned. Then Jason thought she was going to cry but she said that I’m the one in the wrong...take a deep breath and sigh heavily... Why must she do the big teary eyes at me every time we have this sort of rubbish disagreements? Argh, can't stand it. I must learn how to do that one day. You can't possibly whack a person who gives you the bigbig waterywatery eyes. (try it if you don't believe me. it's worse than the Evil Eye). Anyway, I'll never get to see Jason's famous tortoise (which resides in his house) cause LL says I can't go. The sexist.

Interestingly, Jason was very quiet throughout our period of disagreement. He has finally wised up. If he had tired to speak up, he would have kenna-ed both of us. Poor thing caught in the crossfire.

I was very sad and mournful cos I learnt that LL won't be able to play with me after exams. She's going to job shadow some speech therapist. I won't have anybody to play with. The people in my class won't play with me cos they don't like to play the things I like. Xinyng will play with her best friend and she doesn't like the rubbish I like to play anyway. As for Jason, I can't play with him without LL around. So that's LL down, Xinying down and Jason down as well. And the tragedy is that these are my only close friends in AJ. As for doggy, I can't play with her alone cos we'll have cat and dog fights. And Sinny will probably be with some boyfriend. And I don't know what happened to christabelle (my major problem: can't ever seem to keep in proper touch with good friends). Even my sister whose company I often resort to when there's nothing better will be unavailable. She's going to Aussie to study next year and will probably be busy settling accommodation, transport etc.

So, nothing to look forward to after A levels. I might as well die. On second thought, I'll go volunteer at a childcare centre. At least I can enjoy myself killing kids.

For two years in Anderson Junior College, I tried to be a friendly kid. Why? dammit. Why? In the end, there's still not going to be anybody to play with.
I'm just a friendly little Hitler clone who wants to play, you know.
I must wait for my assize grandkids to come back. Then I can play with them and doggy too.